I watch way too much television. At least that is what I am told. Actually you learn a lot from television especially from commercials whose job it is to convince us we need something we don’t need because if we really need it we would already have it.
On one particular commercial the spokesperson is standing in front of a famous national landmark and announces that I have just totaled my car that I named Brad. This really gets my interest because it somehow must have escaped me that I had a car named Brad, much less totaled it. But, I figure, it it’s on TV broadcast to millions, they must have done their research and it must be true. I look in my driveway and check. The Fly and big Red are there. But what is this about Brad? I return to the commercial. Brad is not only my car but evidently my best friend that’s been there for most of my ups and downs in life. Brad will be surely missed, but not to worry. If I had the right auto insurance I could replace Brad with something newer and better making me forget all about Brad. And so the commercial has provided me an invaluable service by informing me how shallow and fickle I am that I can abandon my affections so easily for Brad for something newer and better.
On another informative commercial a reptile like spokesperson with an English accent tells me I have the wrong car insurance. But if I switch I can save 15% or more. Changing the channel, I find another spokesperson promising me that I can save hundreds of dollars off car insurance. Still another ad offers more savings. So, I figure I can switch to the first company then to the next and so on saving more and more each time. Then when I run out of options, I’ll go back to the first and go through the cycle again. Pretty soon if I keep at this strategy, I’ll be saving so much money, they’ll be paying me to have their insurance.
Then, there are the messages about health care insurance. Apparently seniors can’t be expected to be trusted to pick out their insurance plans on their own, but need to call the right number on to connect them with someone who can do it for them. And apparently psoriasis is the scourge of our society but a cure is at hand. Just tell your doctor about this new medication. But if this is the best medicine, wouldn’t my doctor already be prescribing it for me? Apparently we can’t trust our doctors to prescribe what’s best. We’re urged to remind him them about the latest thing we see on TV. Maybe he is too busy to watch and consequently is out f the loop. And don’t worry, if we make a mistake there are many lawyers who will assist us in claiming our just compensation should our treatment go bad. Just dial their number- now!
But what is really of interest to me is that there are invaluable new products available all the time. Should I feel the need to cut my aluminum boat in half I can tape it back together with amazing waterproof tape. Cooking is now a breeze with a variety of non stick cookware and electric cook tops that make my stove and microwave obsolete. And I must get the latest tools for the repairs around the house. It all makes me wish I had an aluminum boat, could cook and was handy with tools. Oh, well.
But one feature of these handy gadgets and things is that one is not apparently enough. But wait! You can order a second one free! All you have to do is pay separate shipping and handling. But I thought the second one was free. So, I called. “Just send me the free one.” The operator who was standing by was not amused. I figured that was because she was standing by. If she was sitting she might be a little more agreeable. So, I tried again. “I don’t mind paying the shipping. Just tell me the weight of the product and I can figure out the cost but I’d like to skip that handling charge. I’ll handle the item myself.” Silence, then nothing but dial tone. That’s when I guess they must have run out of the item and have none left to sell me.
I never knew how important commercials are until I began watching full length westerns on internet TV. With no commercials I didn’t know what to do with myself. There were no breaks for me to go get a snack or attend to other things. I actually had to push the pause button for this. Plus, there was no one shouting at me. It was as if no one cared about my existence or my value as a person or more precisely as a customer. I felt so insecure and unfulfilled. After taking just so much, I went back to regular commercial filled TV.
And when I did, I found out how much I can save by buying the right products. Although I could never understand how you save money you never had by spending money you can’t afford to spend. But it’s on TV, broadcast to millions, so it must be true. I can save so much that my anemic bank account will swell. I can be rich spending money. Yay! I can be so rich I can afford a new house and buy a fancy car. Maybe I’ll name it Brad.